Dependent on Digital, But Faithful to Print

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It's a digital world.

It’s a digital world.

BY JULIE SEYLER

It was sometime in the mid-90s when I entered the digital world. With the purchase of my first PC, I went online at home, and that, my friend, was going to be the extent of my dance with the digital. In those long-ago days, I was never going to get a cell phone. I railed against them, and those rude people who chatted on the bus to work. And forget film-less cameras. I intended to remain a devotee to Kodak! But the purity of my Luddite philosophy slowly eroded, and I came to embrace it all, especially my technologically-advanced walkie-talkie that lets me walk and talk from anywhere but home, including the bus.

So today I have to say it: I feel naked without my cell phone. It is a fait accompli that makes life easier, and perhaps a little sillier, as I check out what’s new on Facebook while waiting for an elevator. Nothing like constant connection to the lives of others.

But I retain one digital dilemma – I want to remain faithful to print reading material. I love holding a book in hand, and folding a newspaper and flipping through the pages of a magazine with gorgeous, enticing photography. There is nothing like the feel of fiber!

But my infidelity grows daily because for convenience, there is nothing like the iPhone. It is backlit. I can adjust the font to fit the exhaustion that may be invading my eyes. It sits comfortably in my coat pocket, and I never have to make a single decision about what I’m in the mood to read. I have thousands of books stored online. I can readily access my magazine subscriptions, and the daily New York Times all with a swipe of my finger. 

But I feel guilty because I am part of the problem that contributes to the ever diminishing presence of paper books, newspapers and magazines. Every time I read about the demise of another print publication, I am sad. Even if I don’t read it. Just last week I read that New York magazine is contracting from a weekly to a bi-monthly to accommodate the reality that print no longer rules.

So even though I can get an online subscription to The Times, I cannot abandon ship. I love seeing it outside my door every morning. It’s a comfort and a reminder that a segment of the past lives today – because it may not in another 20 years.

I still love my news paper.

I still love my newspaper.

The Solemn Side of 50: Aging Parents

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summer contemplation

We can help our parents depart gracefully.

BY FRANK TERRANELLA

One thing that all we over-50s have in common is that if we have living parents, they’re nearing the end of their lives. It’s difficult to face that reality until we are forced to by catastrophic events. I had one of those catastrophic events recently when I was told that my mother had a tumor on her pancreas. My mother is 85, and so illnesses like this are deadly serious. As it turned out, her surgeon was able to remove the cancerous tumor, and we are hopeful she will have a few more years with us. As a two-time cancer survivor, I know that cancer is an intractable foe, and the rest of her life will be a battle against it.

a mother and her baby

Natural order.

Dealing with my mother’s serious illness has made me realize that the decline and fall of parents is part of the fabric of life after 50. It’s an ordeal not just for the parent but for the over-50 child as well. Parents are our bulwark against death. As long as we have a parent alive, the grim reaper will take the parent before the child. It’s the natural order of things. But once we don’t have the parent ahead of us, we’re next. And that’s kinda scary.

It seems to me that American society in general, and our healthcare system in particular, do not handle well the illnesses of people at the end of their lives. Instead of concentrating on the quality of life, and the patient’s wishes, we do everything we can to increase the quantity of life. To add a few months to life, we take extraordinary steps like respirators. Rather than give up fighting for life, we bring out radiation therapy and chemotherapy, knowing full well the misery they will cause.

But who determines when a parent will be forced to fight for life or be allowed to peacefully expire? When the issue came up during the Obamacare debate, people like Sarah Palin criticized the “death panels” that would decide who lived and who died. We find it impossible to let go of people who sometimes are begging us to let them go.

Issues like living wills, hospice care and assisted suicide become all too real once you have an aged, sick parent. It’s the side of life after 50 you won’t hear talked about on other blogs. But this blog is dedicated to presenting the “warts-and-all” picture of life after 50, from the white of a daughter’s bridal gown to the black of a father’s funeral drape. After all, we all are in the same boat. It may help to talk about it.

And it doesn’t have to be grim. The end of life can be a celebration of what that person has meant to us; a celebration of the difference that person’s life has made. It can be a time to finally say “I love you,” and to show it by our actions. It’s up to us over-50s to show our children, through our example, how we want to be treated at the end of our lives. In effect, while our parents are teaching us how to gracefully exit this life, the best thing we can show our children is how to be good children.

One Foot in San Francisco, and One Foot (and My Heart) in New York

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Thanksgiving Day 2013

A warm Thanksgiving Day 2013.

BY MARGIE RUBIN

My childhood memories of Thanksgiving Day growing up in New York include loud family gatherings, ridiculous amounts of food, and a brisk walk after dinner.  Since I moved to California, 40 years ago, two big differences are that Thanksgiving feasts consist of more friends than family, and the weather is closer to a New York summer day than the wintry cold of the Northeast.

Shorts in November!

Shorts in November.

Last weekend, six of us got to spend time with our dear friends at their beautiful beach house in Monterey. We took long walks along the beach, had breakfast at a Russian mom-and-pop restaurant on the water, made homemade ceviche from the day’s fish catch, and had lots of laughs. But I must say, the highlight was our group bike ride along the Pacific coast. In shorts and tee shirts. Really? Late November, and shorts and tee shirts?

Which is why I choose to live in California. While it can’t compare culturally to New York City and its food – the Bay Area cannot compete with New York bagels, pizza, and pastrami – the truth is, I can see a Broadway play when it’s in San Francisco at a cheaper price. I don’t eat meat, so I don’t miss deli food, and I love the fact that I can be outdoors all year round. That being said, I love New York, and I feel fortunate to have a foot in each world. Now if I could only get my New York family to put a foot out here!

Hey Mom come on over and take a bike ride?

Holiday Good Samaritan Went the Extra Mile

Ken car

Car was in trouble.

BY KENNETH KUNZ

It was only 20 more miles that the coolant hose had to hold out, but it just couldn’t – or wouldn’t! After I pulled my car to the shoulder and shut the engine, I pondered the white plumes surrounding the vehicle hoping (and praying), I would not also see flames. I didn’t.

Admonishing myself for not getting my car serviced before I embarked on my Thanksgiving day trip to my mom’s, I opened the hood, and took a look. (As if I was going to be able to do something – ha ha!) The steam finally began to subside, and as I began thinking of where I’d have AAA tow the thing, a vehicle suddenly pulled over.

anti freeze

I needed this.

I swear the tall figure that got out of that Ford Bronco, and started walking toward me, was moving in slow motion, as if in a fantasy scene from so many movies we’ve all seen. The man reached me and my car, handed me a gallon container of engine coolant and said, “You’ll need this!”  How did he know already?

We finally located the problem, and proceeded with the repair triage. It was arduous, at best, especially with all the hot fluid, and the minimalist spacing in a foreign car engine compartment for even regular size hands to navigate. And both of us having good sized hands, of course.  We finally cut a piece from a ball point pen cartridge, finagled it into the torn hose connection, invoking a crude version of Auto Shop 101, taped it up, and turned over the engine. Success!

Conveniently, we shared the same destination, and this Good Samaritan offered to follow me all the way in to make sure I arrived safely. Such a nice guy that he wouldn’t shake my extended hand, as he felt his was too soiled from the task we had just completed – mine was almost as dirty as his. And of course, he would not accept the money I offered him for the anti-freeze. So we just fist-bumped and both headed east – 20, hopefully short, miles to go.

Nineteen, 18, 17 miles more – all systems go. Sixteen, 15, 14 – temperature gauge off again. Thirteen, 12, 11 – small puffs of smoke. Ten, 9, 8, – LOTS of puffs of smoke. Seven, 6, 5, 4 – wafts of steam clouds. Is this the longest it has ever taken me to drive this stretch of highway? Three, 2, 1 – last traffic light.  My new acquaintance pulls up alongside me to ask if I think I’ll make it. I assure him the last few hundred yards are doable. And they were.

It is often comforting to arrive at one’s mother’s house, especially on Thanksgiving, but this day had become something special.  A mini-disaster (or at least a royal pain in the butt), turned into an affirmation of the goodness of man. A stranger taking it upon himself to take time from his own holiday and help a fellow life-traveler. A simple and selfless act of which to be most thankful indeed. I wish I could be that generous and helpful to a stranger.  Perhaps now I will be so inspired sometime in the future.

Everyone should experience a Thanksgiving day (and every other day) as wonderful as the one I had this year.

For Me, December 8 is John Lennon Day

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john imagine

Photomontage by Julie Seyler.

BY FRANK TERRANELLA

In the course of any lifetime, there are memorable historic events – you know, those “where were you when …” events. We recently passed the 50th anniversary of the President Kennedy assassination. That was certainly one of those days. I have long held the opinion that you cannot call yourself a Baby Boomer unless you were in school when JFK was killed.

We’re coming up on another of those events for me. It’s the day that John Lennon was killed. It was a frigid December night in 1980 as I walked from Lincoln Center to Columbus Circle to catch the A train. There were a lot of sirens that night going toward nearby Roosevelt Hospital, but there are always sirens in the city, and so it didn’t make a big impression. But by the time I got home, the news was on the radio. John Lennon had been killed.

My immediate reaction was that Mark Chapman had not just killed John Lennon, he had killed The Beatles. Just a few months before, Lorne Michaels had offered a ridiculously small amount of money if The Beatles would reunite on Saturday Night Live, as Simon & Garfunkel did. In an interview, Lennon said that coincidentally, Paul McCartney had been visiting him at The Dakota that night, and they were watching Saturday Night Live when Michaels made the joke offer. They even considered getting into a cab, and going to 30 Rock as a surprise stunt. But now, Mark Chapman had made any Beatles reunion impossible.

The outpouring of grief and affection for John Lennon was striking. People congregated for weeks near The Dakota just to be near where John had lived. Months later, Elton John did for his friend what he had earlier done for Marilyn Monroe with “Candle in the Wind.” He immortalized John Lennon in a song called “Empty Garden,” that poignantly expressed our collective grief. Elton’s song characterized Lennon as a compassionate gardener whose absence leaves an empty garden. In the words of the song:

He must have been a gardener that cared a lot
Who weeded out the tears and grew a good crop
And we are so amazed we’re crippled and we’re dazed
A gardener like that one no one can replace
And I’ve been knocking but no one answers
And I’ve been knocking most all the day
Oh and I’ve been calling oh hey hey Johnny
Can’t you come out to play

I can’t think of a better way to remember John Lennon. He was a man who fought for peace. He was a man who told us “All You Need Is Love.” And he was the man who got us all to “Imagine” a better world. For all these reasons, December 8 will always be John Lennon day for me.

Sarasota Statue a Throwback to When War was Glamorized

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Bob statue

“Unconditional Surrender,” statue in Sarasota, Florida. Photo by Bob Smith.

BY BOB SMITH

Alongside the road by the bayfront in Sarasota, Florida, is a 25-foot-tall statue of a 1940’s-era U.S. Navy sailor kissing a woman in a nurse’s uniform. She’s bent backward with her eyes closed, and one arm dangling at her side in blissful submission to his embrace.

The statue, entitled “Unconditional Surrender,” is a copy of a lesser-known version of an iconic photograph taken by Alfred Eisenstadt.
The date was August 14, 1945, and the U.S. media had just announced that Japan would agree to surrender, thereby ending four long years of war. Japan’s surrender was particularly significant because the Japanese had fought so tenaciously, and had sworn to fight to the last inch of soil if their country was invaded.

Like today’s suicide bombers, Japanese kamikaze pilots found glory in sacrificing their lives to kill Americans. Moreover, Japan had prompted the United States to enter the war by attacking Pearl Harbor, the 9/11 event of our parents’ generation.
Japan’s surrender was likely prompted by our destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki on August 6 and August 9 , just a few days earlier. In the world’s first and (to date) only wartime use of atomic weapons, the United States had wiped out two entire cities and killed between 75,000 and 125,000 people, virtually in the blink of an eye. More than twice that number would die from the effects of the bombs over the coming months and years.

But on August 14, people in America weren’t wringing their hands over whether or not our use of the atomic bomb had been justified. This was a day when unbridled joy broke out across the land, and drunken revelers spontaneously poured into the streets of New York and other cities. It was in the midst of this happy mayhem that an anonymous sailor grabbed a dental assistant he’d never met and planted a kiss on her startled lips.

Unconditional Surrender has been derided by many as a kitschy and derivative – journalistic – hardly qualifying as art. However, one World War II veteran with a strong sense of nostalgia, and the bankroll to back it up, felt it worthwhile to pay around half a million dollars to have the statue displayed in Sarasota. So there it stands (at least for a couple more years).

What strikes me about the photo, and the sculpture, is not that they capture a moment that has any direct emotional significance to me; they don’t. What I find interesting is that there never was a similar galvanizing moment in our lives at the end of a war – because the war of our youth, Vietnam, divided the country, rather than united it.

There were gung-ho types who went off to that war in the blind faith that it was their duty to do whatever our leaders had decided was right. There were the hippies and others in the peace movement who demonstrated against the war, and ran off to Canada, or invented exotic ailments to exempt them from the draft. Any young man who was undecided, but nonetheless fit and unwilling to buck the system, was subject to being drafted, and sent off to fight an obscure, unpopular war.

I was fortunate, because by the time I turned 18, the war was winding down and they never called people with my draft card number. But even though I didn’t go, the media images in my mind from Vietnam are far from glorious. There was the wrenching photo of a naked young girl running down the street among a crowd of terrified Vietnamese citizens, fleeing the napalm bombing of her village.

There was the horrific image of a South Vietnamese general at the moment he was executing a prisoner, where you could actually see the pressure and wind rush from the gunshot distorting the doomed man’s face. And finally, there were the photos of Americans lining up to be evacuated from Saigon by a helicopter waiting on a rooftop.

Maybe it’s good that our generation doesn’t have any romanticized images to associate with our “big war.” Thanks to the Internet and smartphones, and the resultant near-instantaneous global communication of words and images, that kind of photo is unlikely to ever be so dominant again. Even an event as happy, and apparently as innocent, as the kiss reflected in Unconditional Surrender would quickly lose its impact in the real-time, You-Tube’d, instant-messaged context of all the horrors that had come before it.

Why I Love New York City

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1st Avenue and 12th Street.

1st Avenue and 12th Street.

BY JULIE SEYLER

If you are someone who loves to travel, I think there is no greater place to live than New York City. When I attempt to walk through the throngs that amass Chinatown, I have a funny feeling I am experiencing a smidgen of a sensation that would descend upon me in Beijing. I am visiting someplace unfamiliar; a little exotic. There are no spaces between bodies, there are markets where all of the food is advertised in Chinese, and I can’t ask what kind of fish is being displayed because I don’t speak the language.

Chinatown Saturday night.

Chinatown Saturday night.

Sometimes I get a hankering for a Greek taverna like what you might find on the Plaka in Athens. I can take the subway a couple of stops to Astoria, and order a salad studded with red-ripe tomatoes and fragrant feta cheese, and an entree of grilled branzino. If I want to pretend I am shopping on the Champs-Elysées, I might stroll along Madison Avenue. And if I pop into any one of the great historical churches built hundreds of years ago with their vaulted ceilings and rose windows, I feel as if I made a pit stop to Europe.IMG_4162

There are the thousands of galleries and museums with works of art that range from 15th century B.C. Egypt to 19th century Papua, New Guinea to 21st century photography.MetWhether I need an emergency fix of turmeric, have an urge to see live theatre, or sense that it’s time to hear a little Beethoven, it really does all happen here. All the time. I love New York. Looking north to the ESB

My Husband’s Gift of a Lifetime: Free Pass to National Parks

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Margie and Phil at the Grand Canyon

Margie and Phil at the Grand Canyon.

BY MARGIE RUBIN

As I head out of my 50s, my husband’s advanced years have turned out to be a gift for the two of us. Last year he turned 62, and was eligible for the $10 lifetime pass to all national parks. So we decided to make our rounds to get our money’s worth, and had friends lining up to join us on our adventures. You see, not only do he and I get in for free, but everyone in our car gets to benefit as well. No matter how old or young they might be.

Our journeys so far:

Trip 1: The Grand Canyon.

This is where we purchased the sacred pass, and chose to do this one by ourselves. Spectacular rim vistas; perfect hiking weather; limited animal sightings. After two days of hiking, both in and out of the canyon, we left completely satisfied at being able to cross that one off our bucket list.

Trip 2: Denali National Park, Alaska.

Margie and buddy in Denali.

Margie and buddy in Denali.

Drastically different from the Grand Canyon – no walking trails, no food or drinks sold in the park, no sweeping vistas of the mountain (too foggy), and long bus rides being the only option to see the park. Best part of that trip was being with dear, old friends (we were celebrating Jack’s 60th), and taking a guided hike where only one other group is allowed to hike per season. Also saw a moose up close!

Trip 3: Glacier National Park.

Glacier2

My favorite. We also got to experience this one with close friends, one of whom spent three summers 35 years ago working at the park. He planned the whole trip (the job I usually do), which I greatly appreciated. Glacier had the perfect combination of magnificent scenery, and close-up animal sightings. We saw grizzlies, black bears, mountain goats, and big-horned sheep – just to name a few.

We also took an outstanding hike in Waterton to beautiful Crypt Lake. I happened to be reading Cheryl Strayed’s best seller, “Wild” about her life-altering experience hiking the Pacific Coast Trail. I believe if I had not been reading this book, I would never have found the courage to climb the ladder on the mountain face, crawl through the narrow tunnel, and pull myself over 15 feet of cables to make it to the other side of the mountain. This was the only way in and out of the lake, and well worth the challenge.

All told, I highly recommend that all 62 year olds run to their nearest national park to buy a lifetime pass! It’s the best thing to happen to seniors since Medicare.

Text Blessaging

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text

BY LOIS DESOCIO

The vibe out there among technology experts is, that since 2011, text messaging, in many countries, including the United States, is on the decline. (Christmas Eve, one of the busiest days of the year for texting, has seen a drop in the millions.)

But the Thanksgiving blessings sent by text (blessages, as I’ve shamelessly dubbed them in my spiked-apple-cider bliss), still remain as much a welcome ritual for me as the turkey that is always too big for my oven, and grandma’s sausage-thyme stuffing.

Facebook and Twitter have contributed to the texting decline, and the novelty of texting wore off long ago. The sending of holiday good-wishes, much like the writing out, and the sending of cards, can become less about thoughtfulness, and more about rote and duty. Perhaps.

But this year, still sleepy, I rolled over first thing Thanksgiving morning to my phone, and to:

“Happy Thanksgiving, my dear friend,” from an old friend.

And an ever-mounting stack continued throughout the day:

“I am thankful for you;”
“Love you, LoLo (emoticon);”
“Gobble Gobble! xoxo.”

text2

I gave back. They kept coming. I gave some more. I started some. A domino effect of collective cyber-love permeated the autumn air.

As someone who insists on unplugging for a chunk of time every day, and often ignores her phone on weekends – much to the consternation of family and friends (Where R U?? Pay attention to your phone!!!) – I can’t get enough of those Thanksgiving texts.

And this year was a banner year for me, so us over-50s (all of my texts were from over-50s) are probably not as burnt-out as the younger set. Some texts were funny; some came with visuals. Some were long; some brief. And some were in snappy, convoluted text-tongue (Hppy THXgving, CUl8ter).

So, a thumbs-up to the electronic chorus of well-wishes; the lineup of virtual hugs. Because all together, they can live forever, strung together in my phone. A “‘Tis the season!” “I love you;” “I’m glad we’re still alive;” I miss you;” “I thought of you because I burnt my nuts in the oven,” narrative – the short version.