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The Write Side of 59

~ This is What Happens When You Begin to Age Out of Middle Age

The Write Side of 59

Monthly Archives: November 2012

The Year Before: Swimming Through New Currents

30 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by WS50 in Art, Opinion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Art, Julie Seyler, Madrid, opinion, Palace Hotel, Prado, Reina Sofia, tapas, The Write Side of 50, Thyssen-Bornemisza

Swimming Through the Currents
By Julie Seyler

BY JULIE SEYLER

All photos and art by Julie Seyler

In our launch post on November 19, Lo wrote about how we have been thinking, gestating, mulling, ruminating, and contemplating our blog for a year.  It’s true. But originally we were food-focused foodbased, primarily because Lo loves to cook and entertain, I love to photograph, and we both love to eat. We precede any meal with an icy martini- hers dirty with as many olives as possible, mine pristine and clean – a single olive may only grace my glass.

About this time (almost a year ago to the day), we also decided to treat ourselves to a four-day jaunt to Madrid – basically to see how many tapas we could consume.P1080615

And, OK the Prado, Reina Sofia, and Thyssen-Bornemisza museums were on my to-do list as well, but Lo was thrilled with the amenities of the Palace Hotel, especially after she discovered Hemingway used to drink martinis at that same bar in the ’30s.

The trip was short (December 6-11), sweet and fabulous.  Without a doubt, the highlight was meeting our new friends, Miguel and Carmen.

After Madrid, we resumed our goal of starting a food blog, with sidebars on travel and art. We went through a variety of names like “Foodbaster, We Keep it Juicy,” and created a slew of original recipes featuring star anise.

star anise The recipes sucked (Steel Cut Oats Chicken with Blackberries and Raspberries!), and the overall concept wasn’t working.

At the same time we started noticing “things” weren’t quite the same as when we were 40. It definitely took just a bit longer to recover from the overnight flight to Madrid (Lo didn’t sleep for four days), and a dull ache in my hip, diagnosed as bursitis, was not disappearing after a six-week course of physical therapy.  In other words, we were swimming through a new set of currents – familiar, recognizable, but with a definite change in direction. And with that realization, the light went on: we want to talk about where we are now, because we are not in Kansas anymore. Ergo, The Write Side of 50 was born, and we are now 11 days old.  So here’s to us!  Have a great weekend everybody!

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All Banged Up

29 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Concepts

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Bangs, Concepts, Lois DeSocio, Older Hair, The Write Side of 50

If I raise my eyebrows, my bangs are almost where they’re supposed to be.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

I got my hair cut yesterday, and my beloved bangs were over-snipped. This has ruined me at least until Christmas, when they will be back where they should be – below the eyebrows. I miss my bangs. I feel beautiful with my bangs! I take great care of my bangs. I don’t need Botox (bangs = sunblock) because of my bangs. I love my bangs.

So, while I feel a bit off with only half a bang, the good news is, it is one thing I can count on to grow back.

And although, I pay no attention whatsoever to the reams of opinions and press on how older men and women should or should not wear their hair, apparently bangs are back in style, ladies. (I had those Zooey Deschanel bangs in the late ’90s.) I think they are always in style. And I have always had bangs.

I had them in 1960

I had them in 1964

Check out the ’80s!

Here’s early ’90s,

And here’s 2011 (bad pixels, but great bangs):

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I Don’t Want the Discount

29 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Confessional, Men

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bob Smith, movies, senior discount, The Write Side of 50

There’s nothing special about getting the senior discount at the movies.
Snapped by Julie Seyler

BY BOB SMITH

I just turned 58 years old, my wife is 56, and we’re fairly well-preserved, as they say. I have salt-and-pepper hair, lately more salt than pepper, but my face is relatively wrinkle-free and, if I do say so myself, I am reasonably attractive. The same is true of my wife Maria, who has a fantastic tan all summer and whose hair is even more brown than mine.

This past summer we went to the movies with Maria’s sister and her husband, who are both in their early 50s – which means the sunny side of 55. We agreed that the latest mindless mid-summer action flick would be an appropriate diversion for a cloudy day, and set off.

We got to the theater, one of these strip mall, ten-screen multiplexes, and stood patiently in line. When our turn came, I stepped up to the window and spoke through a metal grille in the glass to the worker inside. She appeared to be in her early 20s, dressed in torn jeans and a funky tattered shirt. Her attention appeared to be fairly evenly divided between issuing tickets and responding to whatever messages were popping up on the screen of the smart phone that lay on the counter, directly under her downcast gaze.

“Two adults for ‘Summer Action Movie,'” I said, sliding a twenty into the round, silver depression under the glass.

She looked up for a millisecond from the phone screen (someone was LOL about something, or no doubt would be soon) to grab the $20. As she slid it toward the cash drawer, she glanced at my face, punched a button on the console that caused two tickets to pop out of a slot in the counter, and began to make change. She ripped off the tickets, counted out my change, and slid the pile back through the hole in the glass.

“Enjoy yuh show,” she mumbled without conviction, smiling faintly as her eyes dropped to discover that one of her friends, someplace, was now LMAO.

The entire transaction had taken perhaps five seconds.

We were a bit early for the movie, which didn’t start for 40 minutes, which meant we would have to endure some shopping time in the adjacent strip mall. As we strolled across the parking lot, I remarked that going to the movies in mid-afternoon had its benefits, as I noticed that I had gotten more than the usual change back from my $20 bill.

“Must be an early bird special,” I joked.

“Wait a minute,” my sister-in-law said. “We got charged three dollars more than you.”

“That can’t be,” I said, reaching for her tickets. Sure enough, their tickets showed a price of $10 each, whereas ours were only $8.50. They were identical, I thought, until I saw that sinister two-letter abbreviation following the reduced price: “SR.”

I had gotten the senior discount! Without even asking for it! Without even being asked my age!

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Marital Infidelity: It’s Perennial and It’s Personal

28 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by WS50 in Opinion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Bill Clinton, David Petraeus, Eliot Spitzer, Infidelity, John Edwards, Juie Seyler, opinion, The Write Side of 50

Sliced Heart/Seared Hand by Julie Seyler

BY JULIE SEYLER

Cheaters and creeps are never out of vogue.  Whether we look at history, art, literature, theater, or current events, infidelity is always a hot topic and au courant.  In the past 20 years we’ve been treated to Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, that Congressman/governor from South Carolina and the latest – David Petraeus. The discourse and debates are endless and familiar.  But when it strikes someone you know personally, it hits you in a whole different way. I have a friend, who over the past several years has had to come to terms with this issue and that is her journey.  All I can do is be there for her, and knowing her, I know she will heal and have love in her life again.

But what intrigues me is, why does it always seem easier for the cheater to lie and obfuscate than to simply state that, “This isn’t working for me.”  If the excuse is, “I didn’t want to break up the family,” or, “I didn’t want to hurt you,” that’s a total joke! Whether it is an affair or a series of one-night flirtations, the family is broken up, and the hurt ricochets over and over. When that betrayal is discovered, be it during or after the extracurricular fling, the psyche is seared.  It is as if someone took a dagger and sliced up your heart into 2000 pieces and then, as if that wasn’t enough, they decided to stomp on your mashed-up heart with a heavy black boot. 

And that scarring pain goes on for days and months.  I know, because once upon a time someone lost their passion for me. Instead of just manning-up and saying, “I’m done,” he iced me out and left me to find out, through “friends,” that he was now dancing about with “Susan.”
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39 is Not Old

27 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Men, Opinion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

athletes, Inside Lacrosse magazine, Jason Kidd, Lois DeSocio, Men, New York Knicks, New York Times, opinion, The Write Side of 50

BY LOIS DESOCIO

Pete Lee, pictured, is a 68-year old post-collegiate lacrosse player who plays with a pacemaker.

Yesterday The Times ran this about Jason Kidd’s back spasms. The vibe was that he’s old, a “veteran,” and, “When the Knicks cobbled together their roster this summer, they emphasized experience. As they did, there were inherent risks. Now they were the oldest team in the N.B.A., and if a key veteran or two were injured, issues involving chemistry and depth would arise.”

Yes – a 39-year-old Knick is news. But there are scores of unheralded athletes who still play their beloved sport way past 39, 50, 60. I wrote this article for Inside Lacrosse magazine last summer about lacrosse players (some in their 60s) who continue to play with much more than a back spasm – including pacemakers, colostomy bags, knee replacements, hip replacements …

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Viagra Blues

26 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Men

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Frank Terranella, Men, The Write Side of 50, Viagra

drawing by Julie Seyler

BY FRANK TERRANELLA

Being a young male means never having to say you’re sorry because you can’t get it up. For the rest of us, there’s now Viagra. I will admit to relying on it occasionally since my prostate surgery. But I resent having to use it, and I especially hate the television commercials that promote it.

We like to think about the 1960s as the time of the sexual revolution, but it was also a much more innocent time. The “Greatest Generation” was greatest at seeing to it that their Baby Boomer offspring were shielded from ever hearing about how babies were made. Sex education was minimal or non-existent. Playboy was sold in a brown wrapper. Despite the “free love” attitude of the ‘60s, no one discussed sex on television, even obliquely.  Rob and Laura Petrie slept in separate beds.  There were no condom ads. Midol commercials never identified the purpose of the product. Even cutting edge shows aimed at young people like the Smothers Brothers and “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In” never referred to sexual intercourse.  The most that Arte Johnson’s dirty old man said he wanted to do with Ruth Buzzi was kiss and hug her.

This was brought home to me recently when a Viagra commercial came on television.  I can imagine the fun the writers of “All in the Family” would have had with Viagra commercials.  Archie would have turned 50 shades of red, and Edith would have dashed off to the kitchen. Yet here we are in 2012 with commercials about erectile dysfunction on prime-time television.  Now I could accept that, and even embrace it as progress, but what adds insult to injury is the fact that we Baby Boomer men now sometimes actually need these drugs to have sex. Of course, the combination of drugs and sex is an ancient one. But in the ‘60s the drugs were needed to loosen your inhibition; now the drugs are needed to stiffen your exhibition.

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Steamed-Up for Thanksgiving

23 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Food

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Bon Appetit magazine, Food, Lois DeSocio, Thanksgiving, The New York Times, The Write Side of 50, turkey

Steam Me.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

I am still a party girl – giver and goer. I’ve been hosting holiday dinners for decades. Whether it be a party of 50, or a gathering of five, my step-one has been to pick a magazine, a newspaper section, or even the first four pages of my ring binder with all my homemade recipes, and create my meal around that choice. Rarely do you have the same thing twice at my house. I do not stray from that credo, no matter how much skepticism, and “Oh-no-here-she-goes-agains,” are tossed my way from my guests. (Bread smeared with Nutella and stomped with hot sausage and a jelled cranberry sauce ring plopped into a tumbler of vodka top the raised-eyebrows-and-moans list.) I’m dauntless, and there is very little that I won’t try. And I will eat anything.

So two of my dependable go-tos for years, for holidays, especially, is Bon Appetit magazine and The New York Times Wednesday Dining Section. I pick a page, or a few pages that are grouped together, no matter how much they don’t “match,” or how offbeat they sound and I put my meal together from beginnings to endings. Of course there have been some disasters, but that’s all part of the fun.

For Thanksgiving this year I went with two pages of the November 12 Times’ Dining issue. I made the bulk of the recipes offered (all good), but for our blog purposes, let’s just talk turkey. I tackled chef Jacques Pépin’s Steam-Powered Turkey.

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Thanksgiving Then and Now

21 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by WS50 in Food, Words

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Food, Julie Seyler, Thanksgiving, The Write Side of 50, Words

BY JULIE SEYLER

When I was growing up, Thanksgiving always had a pattern. My mother hosted one year, my Aunt Liz the following year, and my Aunt Millie the next year. If it was at Millie’s my father would inevitably grumble how he would never go again because that drive to Long Island was impossible, but of course we went. My male cousins, completely incommunicado, hovered in front of the football games until they were forced to sit at their own “children’s” table.I seem to distinctly remember that the adults, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my parents, were always passionately engaged in political discussions.  These were the days of the Vietnam War and Watergate, and the back-and-forth repartee took us from apps to dessert.

Of course, there was a huge turkey (my cousin Leslie and I always hung around the kitchen competing for the best piece of skin while it was being carved) sweet potato casserole with marshmallows, Pepperidge Farm stuffing, canned jelled cranberry sauce and store-bought pies. We were not a creative cooking group, nor a baking family.  Not until my cousin Richard met Martha did we finally have a couple of home made pies on the table.  And so that is the Thanksgiving in my mind.

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The Days of Our Lives (Around 18,250 So Far)

20 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Men

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Frank Terrannella, Men, The Write Side of 50

BY FRANK TERRANELLA

As I rapidly approach the end of my fifties I find that I have a different sense of my mortality than people younger than me do. Younger adults don’t think much about dying (except to

fear it) because the odds are they’ve never been very sick. But I actually think that facing the fact that you will not live forever is very healthy and helps you live a better, fuller and happier life.
You may recall the longstanding soap opera “Days of Our Lives” that begins with the words “Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.” Well, the average life span of a Baby Boomer is about 30,000 days. If you’ve reached age 50, you’ve used up 18,250 of them. By the end of your fifties, you’ve used up 21,900. If you’re lucky, there have been a lot of good days in there. But just as the hourglass runs out, so do the days of our lives. But most people don’t want to face that reality. That is, until they get sick, really sick.
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Welcome to The Write Side of 50

19 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Words

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Lois DeSocio, The Write Side of 50, Words

BY LOIS DESOCIO

Snapped by Julie Seyler

Sketched by Julie Seyler

For a year now, Julie and I have been building this blog bit by bit; bite by bite. What started as light dinner conversation, over martinis and wine and foie gras (or french fries), turned into, over time, a mission to create not only an outlet for all our banter and our newly discovered facts of life, but a forum. A forum for all of us who are lucky enough to hit the big 5-0 and beyond.

Fortified by more-than-we-can-count-follow-up dinners in Manhattan, and random conversations struck up with not only friends, but with 50-year-old strangers in strange places (the line at motor vehicle, the neighboring stool at a dive bar, the sidewalk with a fellow dog-walker), we noticed that we were all strung together by a unique and definitive voice that echoed some kind of intangible change in everything about ourselves – both good and not-so-good. Not unlike any group that is in the trenches together, there is a collective camaraderie that has often led to a borderline frenetic, unedited exchange of stories about what life becomes in your 50s. One thing for sure emerges – we all, men and women alike, feel it.

I’m a writer; Julie is an artist. We want to put all of our experiences into words, and Julie’s images bring those words to life.

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