It’s all about the white.

BY BOB SMITH

What is it about snow that makes people crave bread, milk, and eggs? Whenever the forecast in the New York/New Jersey area calls for more than a dusting of snow, the supermarkets fill up with frenzied shoppers “stocking up” on bread, milk, and eggs. Is this really necessary?

Does everyone plan to sit out the snowstorm munching on egg sandwiches and glasses of milk? Or are they going to bake cookies with the milk and eggs? Then why the bread? And why no run on baking flour? Why isn’t everyone out there buying chicken, yams, and asparagus? At least you can make a decent complete meal out of those.

People also fill up their cars with gasoline before a storm – even though they’ll do little or no driving if there’s a significant snowfall. Does it make them feel more secure knowing that rounded lump buried in the driveway under three feet of snow has enough fuel to take the vehicle to Cleveland and back – if only you could drive it down the block?

In any event, when was the last time it snowed so much you were trapped in your house and couldn’t dig your way out to the store before your existing, everyday, supply of bread, milk and eggs ran out or went bad? Even the worst blizzard in New Jersey is cleared away, and the roads are passable within a day – or at most a day and a half – of the last flakes falling. Are people afraid the supply trucks can’t get to the supermarket after a big storm, and our local quota of bread, milk and eggs will dry up so we’d better stock up while we can? But when has that ever happened? Not in my lifetime.

I’ll tell you what has happened, though: my local supermarket runs out of bread, milk, and eggs just before a big snowstorm because of all the panic buying. Or at least they run out of my favorite brands – I’ve been reduced to buying skim instead of 1% or 2% milk, wheat instead of good old nonnutritious white bread, and those weird brown eco-eggs that cost twice as much as regular white ones.

That’s it! It’s a white fetish! In anticipation of the world being covered in snow, everyone wants to be sure they have an ample supply of white foods. And bread, milk, and eggs just naturally top that list. White rice, shredded coconut, and lemon sherbet can’t be far behind. Heck, if snow were brown there’d be a run on chocolate, Brazil nuts, and day-old ground beef.

There isn’t a big snow event in the New Jersey forecast for the next few days, so we can all rest easy. For now. But when it all comes down, don’t get caught without your stash – be ready to white-up and hunker down for the long haul. All two days of it.