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The Weiner: 2 red onions and a scallion

The Weiner: 2 red onions and a scallion.

BY BOB SMITH

Weiner’s Lead Shrinks
Weiner Sticks It Out
Weiner Won’t Withdraw
Weiner Takes A Hard Line
Weiner Comes On Strong
Weiner Whacked In Latest Poll

Enough already. The New York Post pun-headline writers are in hog heaven with this one. Even his wife’s name plays into it – oh I know, she uses Huma (“hoo-ma”) Abedin, her maiden name. Why? Probably to avoid any snickering over the potential oral sex allusion if her name were Huma (as in “hum-a”) Weiner.

There he stands wiry and intensely defiant; a cornered raging rodent, proclaiming his staunch intention to keep plugging away (sorry) in his race for mayor of New York. There’s Huma, sincere and wide-eyed; the bright trustworthy Good Wife standing by her flawed yet human man. It’s all a bit strained, isn’t it?

Let’s be real. If it had been splashed all over every newspaper and other news media outlet in the country that I had been sending flaming erotic messages to a woman half my age and engaging in lurid masturbatory phone sex with her multiple times a day, and that I had done it all under the ludicrous nom de guerre “Carlos Danger,” I would be so deeply ashamed of my transgressions against my wife, my family, and common morality that I would probably never show my face in public again.

Not so Mr. Weiner. He holds a press conference, hiding behind the usual “I’m a flawed person” mea culpas so popular among public figures these days who get caught, literally, with their shorts around their ankles. He has no shame, and for him I suppose that’s good. He can walk down the street with his head held high, apparently secure in the knowledge that at least he thinks he’s perfectly fine.

But the rest of us don’t have to live in his world. In our world, what he has done reveals a shocking, pitiful depth of self-absorption and, worse yet, an utter disregard for others: his wife, his infant son (who someday will read all about it), the woman (women) he has playfully ravaged electronically from afar and regaled with photos of his genitalia; and of course, the voters he expects to believe his hollow protestations of having changed his wayward ways. These character flaws, or obsessions, or whatever they’re called, don’t seem compatible with the energy, dedication, and focus that would be needed to effectively lead one of the biggest cities in the world.

Remember the tongue in cheek Peter Principle, from the late ’60s? The premise was that in a system where an individual’s advancement is based on achievement and/or merit, the person will eventually be promoted beyond his or her level of ability. Each person, they said, would eventually work his or her way up to their level of incompetence and then stay there. Think Dilbert and all his coworkers.

Anthony Wiener has found that plateau. There’s no need to promote him any further. He’s apparently very good at indulging his erotic/narcissistic fantasies, and at stroking (again, my apologies) his apparently boundless ego. Let’s not risk a painful and embarrassing demonstration of the Wiener Principle by allowing him to continue doing so from Gracie Mansion.