Sketches by Julie Seyler.

BY FRANK TERRANELLA

I was at a cocktail party not long ago, where several 20-something women came over and stood next to me. Now, at 5 feet 9 inches, I have never considered myself tall. I am average height for a male Baby Boomer. But all three of the young women were 5 feet 9 – and above. I know that because I asked them. Two of them were wearing high heels, which made it even worse. In years past, I rarely encountered a woman who was taller than me. What is going on here? When did women start growing so tall?

Just from personal observation, I think that on average, women in their 50s tend to be about four inches smaller than men. But it seems that young women today are growing much taller than their mothers. Although scientists say the average height height of women today is only one inch taller than it was 50 years ago, I seem to see very tall women everywhere I go.  Maybe more women are wearing higher heels than 30 or 40 years ago, but I doubt it.

Women have been wearing that ridiculously uncomfortable footwear for decades. No, I think there actually are more women taller than me today than there used to be. Add to that the fact that people lose height as they age, and I expect to feel like I’m walking among giants soon. And men tend to fear giant women. Do you remember the 1950’s film where a woman has an encounter with an alien and grows to enormous size? It was called, “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman” despite the fact that the woman had no malicious intent at all.  Roger Corman made a similar movie just this year starring Sean Young called, “Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader.”

The point is that this idea that a tall woman is a menace is long-running and pervasive. I think that most men dislike looking up at women. The one famous exception was the 5-foot-2 Dudley Moore, who dated 5-foot-11, Susan Anton in the early 1980s. He used to joke that he loved the view, as his eyes were at the level of her cleavage. But that was a much-heralded exception to the rule. And it is notable that they each went on to marry other people.

No, I think that most people avoid having significant others who are much taller than they are. Anyway, I think it’s an inevitable trend in my life that I will be looking up at more and more women in the years to come as I grow smaller and they grow taller. Maybe I can learn to accept it and, like Dudley Moore, just enjoy the view.

Dave and Dad. Where did the years go?

BY FRANK TERRANELLA

2013!!! That’s not a real date. That’s a science fiction date, isn’t it? I think there’s nothing that makes me feel old like writing a date that should still be in the future, but it’s not; it’s here. What contributes to making me feel old, is the fact that, recently, I helped my son move into his first apartment. He’s the first child off on his own. Later this year, he will be the first child to be married.

Over the Christmas holidays, we played some video of my son from when he was a baby. Parents tend to do that so fiancées can see just how adorable the future husband was as a child (and what the children might look like). But after watching close to two hours of my children as infants, I felt depressed. Just as it couldn’t possibly be 2013 already, my infant son could not really be moving out and getting married. Where did the years go? The fact that the memory of those intervening years is hazy at best is quite depressing to me. Fortunately, I did take the time to shoot video of their early lives, and so I have reinforcement of some memories. But taking those videos ended by the time they graduated from grammar school. Where did those high school years go? College was a blur – although I have loan payments to prove it happened. And now they’re about to go off on their own, and it seems like they took their first steps last year. Of course, the problem is that what I really want is a time machine to go back and re-live the ‘60s, the ‘70s and the ‘80s. This time, I would pay more attention to the details.

I know that what I am describing is part of being over 50. It’s the time we find out that our parents were right when they told us over and over: “The years go by faster and faster as you get older.” But they didn’t tell me it went into a warp speed out of Star Trek. These days, I am usually wrong when trying to judge how long ago something was. Like when someone asks: “When was the last time you ate at that restaurant?” And I think it was two or three years ago, but it turns out it was in 1998.

Being in your 50s means that the phrase, “50 years ago,” comes out of your mouth more often than you would like. I remember not too long ago (it seems), I was talking to my former law partner and I said: “Remember 50 years ago when we were in kindergarten?” And he said: “I’m not old enough to remember things from 50 years ago,” even though he is. Well the truth is, I can remember things from 50 years ago. But those memories seem no more hazy than my memories of changing diapers, and getting up in the middle of the night to pick up and walk the floor with a crying child. It’s all things I did, but the time separation has collapsed. The 1980s do not seem that much more recent than the 1960s. It’s all a distant memory.

That’s why it’s so tough to come to terms with dates that begin with a 20. Can it really have been more than a decade since we celebrated the millennial new year? Has it been nearly 50 years since the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan? Where did the intervening years go? 2013? I demand a recount.