A Honeymoon in Portugal, Birthday Included

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Fatima. A woman makes a pilgrimage.

Fatima. A woman makes a pilgrimage.

BY JULIE SEYLER

Steve and I arrived in Portugal on Friday September 25 for a delayed honeymoon. Our first night we stayed in the Palacio Hotel do Bucaco, set in a fairy tale forest known as the Mata National Park. The hotel is a gingerbread confection, a little seedy at the edges, but so extreme and over the top, the peeling paint was insignificant. The ceilings were 20 feet high, a life-sized sculpture of a lute-player sat on the fireplace mantle, and the 18th century chairs were carved with the most detailed renderings of the Hindu god Ganesha. The gardens were bucolic and the trails easy to explore, where I found not Swan Lake, but a little carp filled pond inhabited by two graceful swans.

Busaco Palace. Mata National Park. 9.25.15

Busaco Palace. Mata National Park. 9.25.15.

The next day we drove to Conimbriga for a stroll through Roman ruins — the best on the Iberian Peninsula. There were some great mosaics and the remnants of ancient baths, but it did take some imagination to visualize the city that thrived about 2000 years ago.

Mosaic floor from Conimbriga. Circa 2nd c.

Mosaic floor from Conimbriga. Circa 2nd c.

Having gotten our fill of the days of Augustus, we headed into Coimbra — renowned for its university and its bibliotheca.  It contains over 300,000 ancient books. We also ate sardines because one does not come to Portugal without eating sardines. No mayo required.

Sardines in Coimbra.

Sardines in Coimbra.

We then drove up to Viana do Castelo for the purpose of going to a beach. The beach excursion was tanked due to illogical planning, and so we focused on the view and meandered through the port and the old town.

Sunrise view from the pousada in Viana do Castelo.

Sunrise view from the pousada in Viana do Castelo.

Time for Porto, but since port is way too sweet to drink as a cocktail, we did not do much port tasting. The old city is vibrant and hectic and loaded with things to see. Amidst the sardines and octopus, we saw the Church of Saint Francis, baroque, ornate, dazzling, the Se, the art galleries and the gardens and basically absorbed the feeling of the city. It’s fantastic to take in the old houses, adorned with faded ceramic tiles, even if some of them are a bit run down.

Then I turned 60!

Tasting Moscatel in Favaios on our way to the Alto Douro

Tasting Moscatel in Favaios on our way to the Alto Douro.

We celebrated me all day!

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The GPS was set for Casal de Loivois, a village of three lanes, set amidst a landscape of terraced vineyards high above the Rio Douro in the Alto Douro.

Boat ride up the Rio Douro.

Boat ride up the Rio Douro.

View from terrace of hotel in Casal de Loivois in the Alto Douro

View from terrace of hotel in Casal de Loivois.

We left the Alto Douro on Saturday and stopped at the hilltop village of Monsanto (NO relation to the chemical company) to eat lunch and climb the ruins of the old castle.

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We are now spending a few nights in the hilltop fortress village of Marvao with roots dating back to the Roman era and a fortified castle wall from about 1200 that’s still climbable. The town, which has the narrowest of cobbled streets, is hosting a festival very reminiscent of a New York City street fair — vendors of hand-made jewelry, roast pork sandwiches, and throngs of people.  Albeit there’s also music and dance. It made driving in a bit nutty as we dodged the pedestrians that shared the street. And the rains are about to come. In fact they arrived with gusto. So here’s to spending a few days of vacation in a downpour. Bring on the vinho verde and a game of chess.

Cloudy morning in Marvao

Cloudy morning in Marvao.

And one last vacation thought — here’s to all the sleeping cats in Portugal and New York City and those who care for them when their owners are in absentia! Obrigada!

Sleeping NYC kitty

Sleeping New York City kitty.

Sleeping cat in Portugal

Sleeping cat in Portugal.

No More Minis

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Bad knees bent mask the crepe

Bad knees bent mask the crepe

BY JULIE SEYLER

Have you noticed that people have good knees and bad knees? Or are knees completely off the radar screen of interesting body parts?

FYI, a bad knee has a crepe-y fold over appearance with a bit of puckering around the edges. To my knowledge there is no cure for bad knees. Unlike arms with a droop, where one can tether themselves to a weight lifting machine and do tricep curls ad infinitem, bad knees are incurable. Unless, perhaps, a botox injection would help plump them up.

The knee issue entered my consciousness because I am surrounded by lovely young ducks that prance the streets of Manhattan in the most adorable of thigh-high dresses and skirts. That used to be me. And then at about 57, I took note of some changes in knee action, (as well as a few other things), and adjustment started. Not that I do not don shorts, it’s just on a restricted schedule: to the beach and bbqs in my backyard.

And to be clear, I am not mourning that minis are off my radar screen because I am no longer in that age bracket of “young”. No I am simply remarking on the cliche that nothing stays the same. Who thought at 30 or 40 or even 50 that mini skirts or sleeveless shirts might have a finite lifespan in the closet?

However, I ought to quit worrying over the physical appearance of my knees and give thanks to my cartilage! At the moment no knee replacement appears to be in the offing. On the other hand, maybe that would provide an opportunity for a little nip and tuck on the pucker?

The Unexpected: A Bigger Nose

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A bigger nose

BY JULIE SEYLER

We have a subscription to AARP Magazine. When I first signed up, (what was it, 5 years ago?), it was an uncomfortable fit. Now it’s a part of where I am at this stage of my life, plus it contains all sorts of invaluable information, from tips on negotiating social security to determining whether a lifetime annuity plan is a good financial option.

Viola Davis was on the cover of the August/September issue and the headlines begged to be read:

BEST. SEX. EVER! We show you how.

GET THAT RAISE

MYSTERIES OF THE BODY EXPLAINED

I jumped to MYSTERIES OF THE BODY EXPLAINED.

The scientific explanation behind the changes we get to anticipate while going through the aging process is fascinating and logical. The unstoppable physical metamorphosis is disappointing. Pragmatically, it’s going to make looking fabulous and ensuring you are smell-less challenging tasks.

Uncontrollable urine squirts
Unfixable bad breath
Green toenails as thick as a brick
Sulfur smelling feet
Jimmy Duante’s nose
More farts

At least we are all in it together.

Who is Clueless: Me? The Press? Or the NFL?

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“Conduct by anyone in the league that is illegal, violent, dangerous, or irresponsible puts innocent victims at risk, damages the reputation of others in the game, and undercuts public respect and support for the NFL. We must endeavor at all times to be people of high character; we must show respect for others inside and outside our workplace; and we must strive to conduct ourselves in ways that favorably reflect on ourselves, our teams, the communities we represent, and the NFL.”

Excerpt from NFL Personal Conduct Policy, courtesy of NFL.com, December 2014.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

I have a scoop. I’m confident that no one else has written about it. I think very few people even know about it. For almost a year now, I have been pitching this opinion piece: The NFL published and promoted the walk-up songs chosen by the 2014 and 2015 draftees on its website, NFL.com. Songs that “are rife with misogynistic, hip-hop diatribes such as “hoes,” bitches,” and a slew of other highly offensive words and phrases that pump up violence against women, give props to drinking, dealing (and doing) drugs, and having enough NFL “paper” (money) to splurge on all of the above.”

I’ve pitched to mega media outlets, magazines, and online news blogs and websites. No one wants it.

I’ve been handed rejection after rejection. The rejections ranged from silence, to “Nice piece!”, to “… the makings of a good piece …”, to “Maybe”. And ultimately from all: “Sorry, but not for us.”

The vibe seems to be that my scoop is actually a “non-issue.” Much ado about nothing. Some young adult men that I know have hinted that this old(er) woman is a bit out of touch with the times.

Enough said. Read for yourself. Here’s the piece. Please chime in. Comment. I’m curious. Am I out of touch? Is this a non-issue?:

The May 2015 arrest of defensive end Ray McDonald on domestic violence charges (his third accusation of violence against women), and the subsequent decision by the Chicago Bears, who signed him in March of this year, to cut McDonald from the team, puts the spotlight back on the NFL and its culture of violence against women.

A big move in the right direction by the Bears? Is cutting McDonald a sign that the NFL is putting some muscle behind its ongoing campaign to change its misogynistic culture?

Let’s dig deeper. We don’t have to look much further than NFL.com. Plug in a search for “2015 Walk-up songs.” This is the second year that the draftees were asked to pick a song that would be played as each player walked across the stage at the NFL Draft. (This year it was at the Auditorium Theater of Roosevelt University in Chicago on April 30 through May 2.)

And it’s the second year that NFL.com lists those songs, with links to the accompanying videos. Songs that are rife with misogynistic, hip-hop diatribes such as “hoes,” bitches,” and a slew of other highly offensive words and phrases that pump up violence against women, give props to drinking, dealing (and doing) drugs, and having enough NFL “paper” (money) to splurge on all of the above.

Is my jaw the only one dropping?

For it was less than a year ago that commissioner Roger Goodell, in a 2014 September press conference after his end run around former Baltimore Raven Ray Rice’s elevator-punch that knocked his then-fiancee, Janay Palmer unconscious, pledged that when it comes to violence against women, the NFL was going to get “our house in order.” That the NFL will “get it right.”

I listened to all 25, 2015 walk-up songs, and all 26 from 2014 (which are still on the website). And watched every single video.(In 2014, the website gave links to the videos. This year, the videos themselves were embedded.) In more than half, women were “bitches.” In some they were “strippers” or “hoes.” Some like “popping mollys” or “x” in their mouths … among other things.

I do get that each song choice means something to each draftee, and I understand that a song choice for a pivotal life-moment may not necessarily reflect personal attitudes towards women. And to be honest, I’ve been known to dance to Drake. That is not the issue.

The issue is that this list does not belong on NFL.com.

And that the NFL thinks it does, sings of hypocrisy; dismissiveness — a chorus of NFL cluelessness at best; a strain of ingrained, absolute misogyny at worst. And I see a public song and dance by Mr. Goodell and all the NFL higher-ups.

Because, by all appearances, no one in the organization got it. Apparently, there was no “Oops!” moment; no motion, in a year’s time, to at least take those songs off the website. No, instead, they did it again this year — so we can add songs such as Rich Homie Quan’s, “Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)(“… Give that ho some x, she gone wanna sex every nigga in the set/ And now she screamin’ like oh, ooh, ooh …” ) to the list.

Equally disturbing is that, as of this writing, I have yet to find any commentary or press on the mixed message sent by the promotion of these songs. I see no signs of indignation, no visceral reaction either at the water cooler at work, or in print, about the publishing on NFL.com of racist, sexist, curse-filled content. Maybe some ESPN or NFL Network analysis? Some collective cringes to accompany the content of some of the videos? Nothing.

And what happened to that revised Personal Conduct Policy, which is not even a year old yet, that states, “We must endeavor at all times to be people of high character; we must show respect for others inside and outside our workplace; and we must strive to conduct ourselves in ways that favorably reflect on ourselves, our teams, the communities we represent, and the NFL …”?

Surely, a walk-up song, or 20, that repeatedly describe women as “strippers,” “bitches,” “hoes,” “pussy” — or my favorite: “an ass so fat” — would raise an eyebrow. Blink an eye? Hang a head? Apparently not.

So, please face the music, Mr. Goodell.

Does it make sense to post songs on NFL.com by artists who are talking up what they did with their “hoes” given that Hall-of-Famer Warren Sapp was arrested in Phoenix in 2014 for allegedly soliciting a prostitute and assaulting two women?

Is it furthering the mission to “clean house” to have lyrics and videos on NFL.com that lionize “smoking weed in my Mercedes,” and proclaim that “the dope I sell is the purest,” when former safety, Darren Sharper, recently made headlines because of a plea deal surrounding the allegations that he drugged and raped at least nine women in four states?

And what about that 12-year-old boy who may idolize newly-drafted New York Jet Leonard Williams? He can log on to NFL.com to get Williams’ stats, along with hearing his song choice (video included): Dom Kennedy’s “We Ball,” which proudly hails that: “We ball, we drink /F*** hoes, rock mink /New watch, gold links/ She going down, no teeth/And I don’t like your legs ‘less they at the roof/Pedicure toward the ceiling, mollys in the cabinet too/Pop, pop, pop, popping pussy … ”

This one line, “I didn’t wanna f*** the bitch, the molly made me f*** her even though she average…” from the song, “March Madness,” by Future, kind of goes against the “Like a Girl” campaign to empower women that the NFL champions through public service messages and commercials, doesn’t it? Think about what that line can do for a young girl’s budding body image.

The NFL dropped the ball. NFL.com is one room that should have been tidied up by now. The walk-up song page has been dirty for over a year now. It they can’t get this “right,” how can they possibly get a whole “house” in order?

And here is the most recent NFL response to domestic violence and sexual assault, updated on August 12, 2015 and also posted on NFL.com.