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Tag Archives: Julie Seyler

When a Relationship’s Private Moments Become Public

06 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by WS50 in Concepts

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Concepts, Edie Brickell, Julie Seyler, Paul Simon, The Write Side of 50

The Big Heat Eats Woolf.

BY JULIE SEYLER

Is it true that every man and woman in a relationship tests each other’s patience to the point where sometimes each behaves like a raving maniac? The word “every” is heavy-handed, but I’ll bet that, at some time, for some people, both gay and straight, who are in long-term, monogamous relationships, vocal differences between intimate partners can get ugly.

I have a friend who said that once her hormones moved on and out, the screaming matches with her husband went south.

I know a clinical psychologist who affirms that managing, and maintaining, a relationship over the long-haul is harder than any job because we are not programmed for monogamy. She says the only difference between the 50% that stay together and the 50% who don’t, is commitment because frustration, and having one’s patience tested, is an inherent part of the deal.

These musings arose because there was an article in the paper recently that the singer Paul Simon and his wife of 20 years, Edie Brickell, had ended up in a Connecticut court house to explain that their screaming match had been an “argument.”

The police had gotten an anonymous tip about a domestic dispute with possible physical ramifications. The article was vague on whether this person heard only words, or whether someone had crossed the line. But because this duet is a celebrity pairing, nothing stayed anonymous.

A public explanation of the dispute had to be offered and so Ms. Brickell announced:

I got my feelings hurt, and I picked a fight with my husband. The police called it disorderly. Thank God it’s orderly now.

Who wants their fights aired in The New York Times? Certainly any type of physical abuse is on a whole different planet, but this seemed to be about a bad fight. Perhaps one that had escalated to a different level, but the idea that good relationships don’t have some really bad moments is a myth. I feel for the couple. How embarrassing to have such private moments be made public because of your success.

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A Needle is Better With Linen (And Vice-Versa)

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by WS50 in Words

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Julie Seyler, Lois DeSocio, The Write Side of 50

frames 297

No good. Take it back.

BY JULIE SEYLER AND LOIS DESOCIO

Three out of seven mornings, I crave an unsweetened green ice tea, with extra ice from Starbucks. It’s acerbic and crisp. Usually, on my way to work, I am wearing my headset as I walk into Starbucks because Lois and I discuss every morning what we will post on the blog that day.

Like clockwork, in the middle of the conversation, we pause, because I have to order my tea. I always emphasize UN-sweetened, with EXTRA! ice to the barista behind the counter, because it’s the little touches that convert an acceptable drink to one that transcends even morning e-mails.

bathrobe sweater

No good (as a sweater).

This morning (still in boot-mode), I got off the bus. It was raining, but before heading into my office, I walked in to Starbucks for that green tea. Lo and I were on the horn figuring out the schedule. I ordered, got my tea and hobbled across the street, and up the elevator to my office. I took my first sip of tea.

UGH! It was sweetened! A cloying, fake taste of sucrose. Impossible to ingest. I explained to Lo I had to hang up and go back to Starbucks to return my tea.

Her reaction, quoted below, in my opinion, offers an unedited window into how different we are.

Lo is a piece of white linen – pure, malleable and moves with ease through wind. I am the needle, although rigid, pointed, and not retractable, am needed to pull in and sew it up (blog included):

You mean you can’t suck it up just this one time?

Absolutely not. It’s disgusting and I paid for it and I am going to exchange it.

I would never do that. And with a boot on? I would have sucked it down even if I hated it.

I must. It is a travesty to the palate that defeats the purpose of the pleasure.

So, with a boot on, after settled in at your desk, you are going to go back to Starbucks just to exchange tea?

Yes.

I hate returning things. Even clothes and furniture. I kept a chair from Pier One that I found out was broken once I got it home in my kitchen for three years rather than lug it back. It still worked. And I spent $75 for a really ugly sweater years ago. Is definitely worthy of a return trip, but it’s still in my closet, five years later. I use it as a bathrobe.

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The Orchid Show: Boot (and Wheelchair) Included

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by WS50 in Travel

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Tags

Julie Seyler, The New York Botanical Garden, The Orchid Show, The Write Side of 50

orchid show 3

BY JULIE SEYLER

Every spring The Orchid Show comes to The New York Botanical Garden in the Bronx. And every year, Steve and I try to make a trip out there because orchids never fail to dazzle. This year was a bit of a challenge because of my toe-cyst surgery.

Stitches getting removed

Stitches getting removed.

The stitches had been removed, and the doctor had confirmed that his bone-packing procedure looked to be working very well. But to make sure that the mending continued on schedule, I was ordered to wear the post-surgical boot religiously for the next four weeks. This was going to make walking around the botanical gardens impossible. But as usual Steve, the pragmatist, solved the problem. He suggested that we get a wheelchair. He could drive me around the flowers.

My immediate reaction was vocal, passionate resistance. I definitely was not chronologically prepared for the idea that I was to be consigned to a wheelchair. But last year when my mother happened to have a bad back, we had taken advantage of the free companion chair that is offered to all visitors of the garden so they can participate in the beauty of the place. Ultimately, logic, my love of orchids, and the gorgeous Sunday sun trumped my personal sense of embarrassment. I was able to get my orchid-fix, (along with the knowledge that I was a lot harder to push around than my mother, i.e. “heavier”).


orchid 2 orchid 3orchid 4

rchid 3

white orchids

And, as I write this I only have two weeks and four days until the boot comes off. Looking forward to it because, as you can see, the boot is hardly a fashion statement.

The road to recovery.

The road to recovery.

 

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Bring Back the 3-Martini Lunch; Porterhouse Included

25 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by WS50 in Food

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Tags

Food, Julie Seyler, The Write Side of 50

steak and martinis

BY JULIE SEYLER

For years and years I battled my weight.

All food choices were based on calories, but now calorie count no longer drives the game. These days, it’s about eating politically correct. I recently went to a business lunch at a restaurant known for its steak with four colleagues. Three ordered salmon. These middle-aged men were limiting their beef intake due to the artery-clogging potential of the medium.

I felt guilty ordering my rare filet mignon, but completely gratified when I noticed that each salmon- eater thought nothing of piling on the mashed potatoes, which no doubt were slathered in butter! (Although the latest of the latest studies came out with a report that maybe red meat is not so bad for you after all.)

Whatever. Because if arteries, filled with free-floating globules that cause clog ups, aren’t torturing your brain, there’s always wheat to worry about. It seems nothing is as bad for you as food made with the white stuff. As a carbo-queen, and lover of pasta not made with rice, spelt or ancient whole grains, I have reconsidered eating spaghetti for breakfast. As much as I love slurping up a tangled mass of pasta coated with olive oil, lemon, pepperocini, salt, and parmesan cheese at 7 a.m., these days, that image is replaced with a dance of numbers that dictate soaring blood glucose levels. I nobly turn my attention to a bowl of protein-rich and calcium-studded yogurt. (Unlike Lois, I cannot imagine eating sardines topped with avocados, olives, and mayo for breakfast.)

Cheese! I love cheese, but Geez Louise, the fat that courses through a melting brie is enough to freeze the veins.

Then there’s the new culprit in town: GLUTEN. It’s the devil behind every ache, joint pain and an inert libido. But don’t fear. The options for gluten-free and tasteless dough just keep expanding.

Honestly, the scientific evidence behind a healthy heart is destroying the lustful pleasure of food. A prime rib on the bone with a baked potato on the side drowning in a pool of butter and sour cream has always been a decadent treat, now it’s decadent, and potentially murderous.

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Spring to Life, Persephone!

18 Friday Apr 2014

Posted by WS50 in Concepts

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Concepts, Julie Seyler, Persiphone, The Write Side of 50

yellow sunflower

BY JULIE SEYLER

It’s spring. At least the vernal equinox announcing the change of seasons arrived on March 20. Despite the frost and snow that hit us in New York and New Jersey a few days ago, I have faith spring is about to pop in full blast. Hopefully, it will hang long enough before we are slam-dunked into a 100- degree heat wave. (The ironic joke of this obstreperous winter.)

Meanwhile, according to Greek mythology, the only reason we have spring is due to devoted mother love. One day, the goddess Persephone, daughter of Demeter, goddess of corn, grain and the harvest, was playing with her Nymph pals in a field. Hades, the god that ruled the underworld, abducted her.

Bernini’s sculpture “The Rape of Persephone,” in the Borghese Gallery in Rome, depicts the massive strength of Hades, known as Pluto in Roman mythology, as he digs his hands into the goddess’s flesh. (Even in the hard marble, you can see the tenderness of her skin.):

Gian Lorenzo Bernini, "The Rape of Persephone", 1621-22.

Gian Lorenzo Bernini, “The Rape of Persephone” 1621-22.

After Persephone is carried off, her mother searches all the world for her, but to no avail, and in so doing, neglects her duties:

‘Ungrateful soil, said she, ‘which I have endowed with fertility and clothed with herbage and nourishing grain, no more shall you enjoy my favours.’ Then the cattle died, the plough broke in the furrow, the seed failed to come up, there was too much sun, there was too much rain, the birds stole the seeds-thistles and brambles were the only growth.
~ The Age of Fable in Bulfinch’s Mythology.

Demeter finally learns that Persephone is alive but stuck down below. She begs Zeus, the most powerful god on Mount Olympus, to allow Persephone to return to the earth. He agrees on one condition. Her daughter must not consume a single morsel of food. But Hades is a trickster, and through wily self-preservation presents his wife with a delectable piece of fruit – the pomegranate. She eats a few of the seeds, and as a result, can never be completely free.pomegrante

Instead she is allowed to return for six months of the year, and as her daughter comes back, Demeter does her job. Flowers bloom and vegetables grow, and we revel in the beauty of spring.

So let’s tell Perspehone to stop playing hide and seek. We are so ready for her!

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Fixing the Sinkhole that Engulfed My Toe

14 Monday Apr 2014

Posted by WS50 in Confessional

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confessional, Julie Seyler, The Write Side of 50

photo-24

BY JULIE SEYLER

Here is the thing. I went to see a doctor about a bunion on my right foot, and emerged with a surgery date for a toe cyst. (This is why one of my oldest and dearest friends never goes to doctors! She knows they are going to tell her something she has no interest in hearing.) But this doctor had me from the word, “sinkhole.”

He said he had seen other cysts in the big toe, but nothing the size of mine. The cyst was the toe; it had eaten all but one millimeter of bone. Any minute, the flesh, tendons, and all the sinewy matter of my toe could be sucked like a, whoosh! into the sinkhole that was my toe. But he had a solution. Graft some bone from my hip onto the evaporating bone in my toe. I would be in and out of the hospital the same day, and would only need to keep my weight off that foot for six weeks. As it turns out, it’s not actually the toe, it’s my first metatarsal, the soft plushy part right under the toe. But it didn’t matter. I scheduled the surgery because had I not, I would have spent every walking moment wondering if my next step would yield a toe implosion.

So on Tuesday, April 8, I checked into the hospital at 8:30 a.m., and checked out at 4:30 p.m., with a set of crutches, a walker and a foot wrapped liked a half-opened present. I keep it elevated, and wait impatiently. Hop hop hopping like a bunny rabbit to get a glass of water is exhausting, and ultimately makes me bad company because I whine with fabulous passion:

toe cyst surgery left Jenna totally defooted

But I just need to hold out a few more days. I see the doctor this Friday, and (hopefully), he will say, “Your bone has grafted just fine. Time to put on the boot!”

Then I can ditch the devices, and at least walk on my heel, which means mobility! I’ll be ready to rock and roll by Memorial Day. Yeah!

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“Big Brother” (And Everyone Else) is Watching

08 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by WS50 in Concepts

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Concepts, Google Glasses, Julie Seyler, Spotify, The Write Side of 50, Virgin Airlines

Big eyes and big ears is watching you!

Big eyes and big ears are watching you!

BY JULIE SEYLER

What strikes me, repeatedly, is how much distance the world has traveled from the way I remember things used to be. This past month, there was a flurry of articles detailing developments on how we, the consumers, are being observed from every angle. George Orwell nailed it in “1984,” where he wrote, “Big Brother is watching you!”

And it’s not just the NSA. It’s the marketing departments of every large corporation.

It is not breaking news that we are monitored for the music we listen to, the books we read, and the tuna fish we buy. But the extent to which our tastes are being quantified and categorized has led me to delete my Pandora app. Hypocritically, I have not stopped shopping at Amazon, the biggest data collector of all. (I guess convenience trumps outrage.)

Nonetheless, an article in The New York Times on March 6 that stated the chief executive of Spotify had acquired Echo Nest to help Spotify “improve the customer experience” by giving its 24 million users better suggestions about what songs to listen to caught my eye. I could only interpret this as meaning that every time me, or you, log on to Spotify, we are contributing to the systematized homogenization of musical taste.

Spotify is not alone. The business of “examining what songs are being listened to by whom, and how,” is a small, but burgeoning, field because “major media companies like Sirius XM, Clear Channel and Univision” eat up the data as food for the production of music-related apps that can be sold to you to shape popular taste and, thereby, sales.

So every time we tune in to tune up our personalized music accounts, marketing is gathering and digitizing the bits and pieces of our predilections to create a composite template of “the consumer.” Who we are, what we buy and how we think:

Pandora said it had begun selling political ads based on the listening patterns of its 75 million users — Bob Marley fans are usually Democrats, for example, while gospel and country listeners lean Republican.

And, if that is privacy trampled by distance, think of Google Glasses as the up-close-and-personal version. Besides being the wearable gadget that keeps you wired to the computer screen 24/7, it allows customer service to track your every move in their effort to better serve you. Virgin Air is currently using Google Glasses, on an experimental basis, to see if they can improve the travel experience:

Kenneth Charles, a Virgin customer service agent, picked up Mr. Jones’s suitcase and peered at him through a Google Glass headset, which had been informed of Mr. Jones’s arrival by the driver of the limo, a pickup service provided by the airline to its most-valued customers.

Without breaking eye contact with his guest, Mr. Charles consulted the virtual reality glasses to verify the details of Mr. Jones’s flight to Newark, N.J. He also confirmed the other data Virgin had on file for Mr. Jones, including his passport information, frequent flier status and whether he had completed the necessary customs and immigration formalities for travel from London to the United States.

I assume Virgin even knew what their “guest” had eaten for breakfast so it could tailor his meals on board to fit his diet.

That the unknown eyes and ears of marketing departments peer into our living rooms to better enhance their bottom line is a phenomenon that was in place when I was growing up in the ’70s, and no doubt way before. But the lack of technological knowledge kept the digging at arm’s length. Computer evolution has broken down these safeguards. Big brother watches all the time.

I do not want to be an atavistic dinosaur – unconnected to the world as it moves like a bullet train into technocracy. But I am experiencing deep-seated angst at the pace with which the world turns. We have gone way past sands through an hourglass.

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The Beauty of Art is Often in the Eyes

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by WS50 in Art

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Tags

Julie Seyler, Naples, The Write Side of 50

Above the door

BY JULIE SEYLER

Besides all of the touristy things to see in Naples, there are the unexpected finds, like this poetically museful door lintel wearing a rope of green beads. I saw it on an apartment building while wandering around the Vomero area of the city. Later that day, I was walking on the Via Toledo, a central artery and shopping street, and saw a sign that Caravaggio’s The Martyrdom of Saint Ursula was available for viewing inside. I had seen The Seven Works of Mercy at the Pio Monte della Misercordia and The Flagellation of Christ at the Capidomonte Museum. The Martyrdom of Saint Ursula was the the third, and last, Caravaggio to see in Naples.

I bought a ticket, and found myself standing in the Palazzo Zevallos Stigliano, a ducal palace from the 17th century. Befitting the home of a billionaire of yester years, the interior was opulently excessive, from the bejeweled ceilings to the marbled balconies and the Caravaggio was as great as its reputation. He is a phenomenal painter from every aspect, be it composition, color, light or sensitivity. But what will live on in my psyche is this self-portrait by the artist Francesco Paolo Michetti. It was painted in 1877 when he was 26 years old. There is something in the eyes that I find mesmerizing and transportative.

Francesco Paolo Michetti Self-Portrait 1877

Francesco Paolo Michetti Self-Portrait 1877

I never get tired of looking at them, even in this digitally-transcribed photograph. They remind me of the door lintel above.

I showed Steve the two photos, and asked him if he thought the eyes looked similar.

“Sort of,” he said.

But his immediate association was that Michetti looked like the actor Robert Walker, who plays Bruno in Hitchcock’s 1951 masterpiece “Strangers on a Train.”

RW2

Which makes me think, it’s time to watch that movie again!

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I Mixed it Up: Carrots and Olives

28 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by WS50 in Food

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carrots, Food, Julie Seyler, oilive, The Write Side of 50

carrots and bl olives

BY JULIE SEYLER

Is anyone as passionate about carrots as I am? I eat carrots every day. Sometimes after a full meal out, I still crave a carrot. I love them with cheddar cheese, tuna fish, and always in salads.

The other night I was really hungry, and there was no food in the house except a bag of carrots and black olives. I decided to pair them. I peeled and sliced five carrots, combined them with pitted black nicoise olives, added a smidgeon of olive oil, a pinch of salt and some ground black pepper. It was delicious. Then I remembered we had Marie’s Super Chunk Blue Cheese Dressing in the fridge. My low cal/low carb snack morphed into the equivalent of a hot fudge sundae, but was sublime.

After I concocted this delectable sidebar to a meal, I looked online to see if there were any official recipes for a black olive and carrot salad. Its a natural pairing. On the website Myrecipes.com, the recipe called for feta cheese and an olive oil and lemon dressing, so the second time I made it that way and it was way more poignant than with the blue cheese dressing. It’s definitely on the menu for my next party!
mix with dressing.

 

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The Draw of Art

24 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by WS50 in Concepts, Confessional

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Alice Neel, Art, Concepts, Gerhard Richter, Isa Genzken, Julie Seyler, MADre, Maria Lassnig, Mike Kelly, The Write Side of 50, Vettor Pisani

mirror

BY JULIE SEYLER

The best thing about art is discovery. Seeing an artist that I have never heard of interpreting their world is never uninteresting. I learn something new, experience something different, and connect a few more dots in the art-history timeline. This year I have seen three retrospectives devoted to singular artists that have been around for over forty years that I was clueless about.

In January, I caught the Isa Genzken show at MOMA. 2 figures ISAShe is from Germany, now about 65 years old. In her youth, she was married to the polymathic artist Gerhard Richter. Over the course of a 40-year career, she has explored photography, sculpture, painting and assemblage. From the sleek, refined and earthy totemic spears that open the show, to the untamed sculptures of passionate aliveness in concrete, steel and epoxy, to the final full-room installation that grapples with the madness and rage of 9/11, she is out there – fierce and fearless.

The show was rough and visceral and rageful and antic and visually mesmerizing.bonnet. Epoxy resin

In Naples, the repository of art dates back to the fourth century B.C. When I was there last month, I was consistentIy fascinated by the fine art in each museum and church we visited. But I also put the MADRE, the city’s modern art museum, on my must-do list.
madre
A show was up on an Italian artist named Vettor Pisani. He was born in Bari in 1934, and died in Rome in 2011. He assembled photographs and figures and furniture and channeled his observations, and emotions, through mannequins and silk screen prints and films. His art covered politics and gender and war and peace. Vettor Pisani

And two weeks ago, I caught a show at PS1 in Queens on an Austrian artist called Maria Lassnig. It focused on her self-portraits. She’s about 90 years old, and reminds me vaguely of Alice Neel. Not just because of her longevity on the scene, and her refusal to shrink from who she is at any stage of life and in any mood, but because every mark is purposefully made with an invitation to keep looking at the color and depth and length and strength of it. She paints only with naked spirit.

Small science fiction self portrait 1995

Each exhibition was unpredictable and challenging and mysterious and fun and both familiar and unfamiliar. They hit all the tangents, like the Mike Kelly exhibit at PS1.

As it is said, “the more you see, the more you see.”

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