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Tag Archives: Lois DeSocio

The After Party: Don’t Mess with My Morning Mess

27 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Confessional

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

confessional, Lois DeSocio, The Write Side of 50

Julie Seyler

BY LOIS DESOCIO

8087475889_486b89dece_m

Morning sun on soil.

Since I began to move through this proverbial midpoint in life, the easy-going and flexible me has been noticing that there are a few things that I will absolutely not stand for, and will not budge on. Take cleaning up after a dinner party – as in: Do Not Clean. I like to save that task for the morning. I want to wake up to the mess from the night before. It reminds me of how much fun I had. I especially love that first shuffle into the kitchen the next morning, often after not enough sleep, and feeling a bit green. I survey the wreckage: dirty dishes in the sink, grainy glasses clumped together on the counter, soiled napkins under the dining room table, crumbs all over the place, sticky forks, saggy candles, stained tablecloth, chewed toothpicks …

Understand, that no one else in my house is allowed this luxury. I would holler at my kids if they left so much as a glass in the sink on a normal day (“Clean up! Put that in the dishwasher!”), but would also holler if they started moving plates during, and after, a party (“Don’t clean up! Get away from the dishwasher!”)

dirty dishes 3

This is a good morning.

What all of this really comes down to – the essence in that leftover clutter – is the joy I get from bringing people together to eat. I can’t get enough of it, so let me stretch it out as much as possible. Let me have a visual mulling-over of the whole night on the next day. I’m especially wedded to this as I’ve become aware of the value of time spent with friends and family. The certainty of years of dinner parties to come is more fragile than it used to be. I treasure that fraternity that develops through hours spent eating, drinking and talking at the dinner table – I don’t want it to miss a beat. And I don’t want to miss anything, so I spend days beforehand cooking, and setting up every last detail, so everything is covered and ready to go the next day. All I have to do is set the party in motion and jump in. And stay. Clean-up duty is never invited – it would cut the night short, and deprive me of my post-party pleasure. (I often have to gently remind my well-meaning friends as the night wears down: “Sit down! Don’t clean up!”)

And the little gems that pop up after any gathering, like that half-full bottle of wine that I recently found, spilled, in the bathroom, would most likely have caused a huff and an eye-roll had I found it in a cleaning frenzy in the wee hours after the party. But the next morning, in the glow of the after party, I smiled. It meant my guests had as much fun as I did, and didn’t feel the need to clean up.

dirty xmas dishes 4

Sometimes, even the food stays out all night.

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O Christmas Tree!

24 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Art, Concepts

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Bob Smith, Christmas Tree, Concepts, Frank Terranella, Julie Seyler, Lois DeSocio, The Write Side of 50

Rockefeller Center Tree with silver and gold flags

Photo by Julie Seyler.

It’s hard to deny the joy of a Christmas tree. Of course, they smell great, and they can be dressed up, or not. But they also often reflect individual personalities, and provoke memories.

Read on:

xmas2

Lois: There’s been news lately about how plant pathologists and Christmas tree farmers are working on building a better Christmas tree, including, ” … how to cultivate a tree that will last from Thanksgiving until after New Year’s.” I will be first in line if this super tree, with super “needle-retention,” hits my local tree farm. Growing up, our family tradition was to live with our spruce for one day. One day! We bought it, put it up and decorated it on Christmas Eve, and it was kicked to the curb by December 26. I was always sad to see the tree go. I wanted it to be a permanent part of our living room. So ever since I’ve had my own living room, and have been in charge of my own tree – my tradition became: put it up before December 1, and leave it up at least until my birthday – January 9th. Who cares that the evergreen is no longer (its needles become trimmed in brown), and the crashing of falling ornaments and lights is a daily post-Christmas sound in my house. This year, I want to leave it up until spring, when my youngest son will be coming home from studying in England. I want him to come home to Christmas. I want his presents to be under a tree. Maybe by March, I may have to move it outside for a bit (or maybe I can figure out how to rig that “IV drip,” that those plant pathologists have been contemplating as a possibility for tree longevity), but this year, my tree will somehow jingle all the way to May.

a 1968 Christmas
Julie: I am Jewish – not quite religious – but it is my heritage and identity. When I was about six years old, in 1961, my mother, a 31-year-old divorcee, was dating Ed. He later became her husband. But this story took place during their dating days. He could not believe she was not going to put up a Christmas tree for her two daughters. She, on the other hand, could not bear the thought of having a Christmas tree in her home. I mean, really, it went against her whole upbringing, and what would her mother think? But on this particular occasion, he won the battle by promising he would purchase and deliver a tree without any participation on her part. And he did.

At 7:00 on Christmas Eve he dramatically threw a tree in the front door of our garden apartment in Red Bank, New Jersey and proclaimed: “Here’s your d__ tree.” Now Ed never ever cursed, but the tree had fallen off the roof of his yellow Vauxhall on Route 35 in the middle of rush-hour traffic, and he wanted my mother to know the ordeal he had gone through for her and her kids. My sister and I really didn’t care because we had our tree, and we thought it was beautiful. We set out cookies for Santa, hung up socks as stockings, and went to bed (not really believing that Santa would visit). About 4 a.m., we woke up, and lo and behold, the cookies were gone, the stockings were full, and there were all these presents under the tree. We opened the biggest. It was a Barbie Doll Dream House! We ran in to wake my mother, who had only gone to bed two hours before because she was getting everything ready. But she had to get up; she had to assemble that dream house right now!!! So with bleary eyes, she did our bidding and such is how that memory, from 51 years ago, is set in my mind.

christmas tree bob

Bob: Dad would always buy a Christmas tree from Uncle Gus, who owned a garden center, because he gave him a great price. He would put it up in the corner of our living room, perched in a rickety metal stand with three green metal legs and a red hemispherical pan. I couldn’t decide whether it looked more like a flying saucer from a cheesy science fiction movie or a World War I doughboy helmet.

We loaded it with ornaments and strands of lights with heavy glass bulbs that screwed into brown plastic sockets – gigantic, clunky things compared to today’s plastic pop-in bulbs. The tinsel wasn’t strung on garlands, either – it was individual metallic strands that we carefully draped over each bough.

When it was all done, I would lie on my back underneath the tree so that my entire field of vision was filled with branches, tinsel, and blinking lights. One string of lights was a train with an old-fashioned steam locomotive, its tender piled high with painted coal, and a cheerful red caboose chugging off into the forest above my head. I would close my eyes, and bask in the warm piney smell and the energy of the splendor inches above me, and it would feel like Christmas.

frank xmas

Frank: All through my childhood, my parents had a small artificial Christmas tree that they put on a table. Santa put our presents under the table. Then, when I was 14, our artificial Christmas tree went up for what would be the last time. A week after Christmas, my father died. The artificial tree was still up, of course, and many of the horrible memories of my father’s death and the aftermath had that Christmas tree in the background. So it was not a difficult decision for my mother to throw out the tree soon afterward. The next Christmas we got our first real Christmas tree. It was a gorgeous blue spruce, whose top scraped the ceiling in our living room. I can still remember the beautiful smell. It was all totally new to our house. It was fresh and alive, just like we were. My mother, brother and I had a wonderful time picking it out, setting it up and even tending to the water in the base. It was a terrific Christmas. And then, a few days after after Christmas, our cat Willy, for whom the tree was as new as it was for us, could no longer contain himself. He climbed the tree right to the top and it promptly tipped over. Instead of being angry, we simply laughed at the startled tabby. And we had real Christmas trees every year after that.

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The Saturday Blog: Reflections

22 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Art

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Art, Julie Seyler, Lois DeSocio, The Write Side of 50

Martinis 2nd Ave between 5th and 6th 12.21.12

Martinis on 2nd Avenue. Photo by Julie Seyler.

The Write Side of 50 recently hit its one-month anniversary, so a celebratory martini and dinner was in order this past Thursday night. This is not unusual for us. We make a point to share a meal together as much as possible – to celebrate or to just catch up. We recommend it – take the time to break bread with friends and family.

We also want to send a big thank-you to everyone who reads us, follows us and shares our links on Facebook. And a special hats-off goes to Bob and Frank. They jumped in feet first, not quite sure what they were getting into. But they’re still here. Thanks, guys.

~Julie and Lois

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This Christmas Will Be Wrapped in Dough (The Flour-y Kind)

20 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Food

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

BIg Night, Christmas, Food, Lois DeSocio, Stanley Tucci, The Write Side of 50, Timpano

timpano table

That’s burnt ziti in a drum from October.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

It’s the week before Christmas, which means I’ve been doing some heavy listing. Not the kind that Santa checks twice – I save gift-buying for Christmas Eve. I’m talking supermarket list. For over 30 years, I’ve hosted Christmas dinner for family and friends (party girl!), so my first holiday priority is getting that dinner menu front and center, and ready for launch.

If you’re familiar with my Thanksgiving adventure, you’ve read that my system is to pick a page, or a group of pages in the newspaper, or a foodie magazine, and make everything on those pages, no matter how outlandish the combination. And since I’m deadline-driven by nature, for Christmas, I like to add to the chaos. I seek out the most complicated and out-of-bounds menu possible, and make lists, shop, and cook for a week. My deadline is the night-before-Christmas-Eve day. Because Christmas Eve is when I hit the mall. (Attention shoppers! This is way better, bargain wise, than Black Friday.) I have all my gifts in a mind-list, and am forced to make decisions on what to buy for everyone on my list, because I’m shopping on Christmas Eve.

And also this year, to mirror how unsettling this Christmas will be (for the first time, my youngest son, who is overseas, won’t be here, and relatives that were staples in my Christmas kitchen for decades have died, or moved on), I’ve decided, for old times’ sake, to randomly (with my eyes closed) pick recipes from the past. IMG_0084I turned and shook my recipe ring binder, filled with everything I’ve ever made or saved, upside down (like my Christmas!), spilled a pile on the counter, and made a meal from the spill. I picked appetizers (Maple/Pepper Salmon Bites, Apricot/Cherry Salsa with Taco Chips, Butterscotch/Whiskey Eggnog), a soup (Cream of Garlic), a salad (Prociutto/Fig/Walnut with Greens), and Timpano (also served upside down).

“Timpano!,” you may ask. “What’s that?” That’s what every one of my dinner guests asked in October, when I attempted it for the first time, and killed it – in a bad way, as in ruined. I do believe, if done right, though, that it must be the perfect meal. So it’s the headliner this Christmas.

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I Don’t Hang Loose When it Comes to Tight Pants

13 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Confessional

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

J Brand jeans, Lois DeSocio, Skinny jeans, The Write Side of 50

JBrands

Good Morning.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

“I could never wear those.” I heard this sentence twice recently while shopping. One time it was while I was picking out these big, bedazzled pink earrings. The other was when I was checking out three pairs of my favorite J Brand black skinny jeans. The women who said this to me, who appeared to be over 40, knew I was shopping for myself, because I was wearing big, bedazzled purple earrings, and black skinny jeans. I did have a moment about the jeans, and thought: maybe I shouldn’t wear these either – I’m over 50. There is that uptight, conventional wisdom that says older women shouldn’t wear tight anything. Or maybe if you do, you’re trying to look younger. Do this! Don’t do that!

But it was just a moment. Not only will I continue to wear them, I will be wearing them when I’m over 70 – just like Jane Fonda.

Black skinny jeans is pretty much all I wear these days. In fact I wear them every day. Unless I’m on the beach, in the shower, or in bed – I’m in my black skinny jeans.

To me, tight means a good fit. That small percentage of spandex helps them hug, and hold their shape. They’re comfortable. They’re fashionable. They’re me! They make me happy. And they let me work from the bottom up. Picking out the shirt, the earrings, is where I want to put my daily-dressing energies. (I love shoes, too, but they’re usually black – to match my jeans.)

Think flower stem, tree trunk, or maybe ice cream cone – all the good stuff is on top. My jeans make me a pedestal that sprouts color; essence. Add black heels, my legs look twice as long. (Those big earrings? They give my face sparkle and pop!)

You’ll find me in my black skinny jeans during the day.
Jeans dayAnd at night.
Jeans night

I have about a dozen pair, and they are all exactly the same. Which gives me my personal strength in numbers. That phrase used to mean: never wear the same thing twice in one week. Now it says: buy a dozen of exactly the same thing, and wear it every day.

Bottoms up!

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Is Cremation the Way to Go?

06 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Confessional, Opinion

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Burial, confessional, Cremation, Cremation Association of North America, Lois DeSocio, opinion, The Write Side of 50, US Funerals Online

Cemetary

19th Century Cemetery on W. 21st Street in Manhattan.
Photo by Julie Seyler

BY LOIS DESOCIO

My brother, Gerry, died this week last year. And since his life for decades was in Florida, but his family lives in New Jersey, the decision was made to cremate him, so we could bring him home, and have him home with us, forever. In the year since his death, two old friends have died, as well as a few parents of friends, and some relatives. The bulk of them have been cremated. As a result of all this, I have become obsessed with thoughts of cremation. Thinking of my brother (and six years ago, my father), going from whole to embers is unsettling. But is lying six feet under and turning skeletal any more pleasant?

My mother, on the other hand, who is a healthy 79 years old, says she doesn’t want to be cremated. Or buried. She wants a mausoleum. For the whole family.

Which brings me to this – I can’t decide, and if I drop dead tomorrow, it’s out of my hands, because, while I have a will, I left that part blank. I’ve always had visions, since my age was in the single digits, about what it must be like to be dead. Currently, my mental pictures have me with makeup on, dressed in my skinny jeans, and dangly, sparkly earrings, lying in a box in the ground, looking exactly the same, except I’m dead. Dead, but intact. But now I have to take it all seriously – I’m on the right side of 50. And it’s not that I’m feeling doomed – just more responsible.

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All Banged Up

29 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Concepts

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Bangs, Concepts, Lois DeSocio, Older Hair, The Write Side of 50

If I raise my eyebrows, my bangs are almost where they’re supposed to be.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

I got my hair cut yesterday, and my beloved bangs were over-snipped. This has ruined me at least until Christmas, when they will be back where they should be – below the eyebrows. I miss my bangs. I feel beautiful with my bangs! I take great care of my bangs. I don’t need Botox (bangs = sunblock) because of my bangs. I love my bangs.

So, while I feel a bit off with only half a bang, the good news is, it is one thing I can count on to grow back.

And although, I pay no attention whatsoever to the reams of opinions and press on how older men and women should or should not wear their hair, apparently bangs are back in style, ladies. (I had those Zooey Deschanel bangs in the late ’90s.) I think they are always in style. And I have always had bangs.

I had them in 1960

I had them in 1964

Check out the ’80s!

Here’s early ’90s,

And here’s 2011 (bad pixels, but great bangs):

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39 is Not Old

27 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Men, Opinion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

athletes, Inside Lacrosse magazine, Jason Kidd, Lois DeSocio, Men, New York Knicks, New York Times, opinion, The Write Side of 50

BY LOIS DESOCIO

Pete Lee, pictured, is a 68-year old post-collegiate lacrosse player who plays with a pacemaker.

Yesterday The Times ran this about Jason Kidd’s back spasms. The vibe was that he’s old, a “veteran,” and, “When the Knicks cobbled together their roster this summer, they emphasized experience. As they did, there were inherent risks. Now they were the oldest team in the N.B.A., and if a key veteran or two were injured, issues involving chemistry and depth would arise.”

Yes – a 39-year-old Knick is news. But there are scores of unheralded athletes who still play their beloved sport way past 39, 50, 60. I wrote this article for Inside Lacrosse magazine last summer about lacrosse players (some in their 60s) who continue to play with much more than a back spasm – including pacemakers, colostomy bags, knee replacements, hip replacements …

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Steamed-Up for Thanksgiving

23 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Food

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Bon Appetit magazine, Food, Lois DeSocio, Thanksgiving, The New York Times, The Write Side of 50, turkey

Steam Me.

BY LOIS DESOCIO

I am still a party girl – giver and goer. I’ve been hosting holiday dinners for decades. Whether it be a party of 50, or a gathering of five, my step-one has been to pick a magazine, a newspaper section, or even the first four pages of my ring binder with all my homemade recipes, and create my meal around that choice. Rarely do you have the same thing twice at my house. I do not stray from that credo, no matter how much skepticism, and “Oh-no-here-she-goes-agains,” are tossed my way from my guests. (Bread smeared with Nutella and stomped with hot sausage and a jelled cranberry sauce ring plopped into a tumbler of vodka top the raised-eyebrows-and-moans list.) I’m dauntless, and there is very little that I won’t try. And I will eat anything.

So two of my dependable go-tos for years, for holidays, especially, is Bon Appetit magazine and The New York Times Wednesday Dining Section. I pick a page, or a few pages that are grouped together, no matter how much they don’t “match,” or how offbeat they sound and I put my meal together from beginnings to endings. Of course there have been some disasters, but that’s all part of the fun.

For Thanksgiving this year I went with two pages of the November 12 Times’ Dining issue. I made the bulk of the recipes offered (all good), but for our blog purposes, let’s just talk turkey. I tackled chef Jacques Pépin’s Steam-Powered Turkey.

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Welcome to The Write Side of 50

19 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by Lois DeSocio in Words

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Lois DeSocio, The Write Side of 50, Words

BY LOIS DESOCIO

Snapped by Julie Seyler

Sketched by Julie Seyler

For a year now, Julie and I have been building this blog bit by bit; bite by bite. What started as light dinner conversation, over martinis and wine and foie gras (or french fries), turned into, over time, a mission to create not only an outlet for all our banter and our newly discovered facts of life, but a forum. A forum for all of us who are lucky enough to hit the big 5-0 and beyond.

Fortified by more-than-we-can-count-follow-up dinners in Manhattan, and random conversations struck up with not only friends, but with 50-year-old strangers in strange places (the line at motor vehicle, the neighboring stool at a dive bar, the sidewalk with a fellow dog-walker), we noticed that we were all strung together by a unique and definitive voice that echoed some kind of intangible change in everything about ourselves – both good and not-so-good. Not unlike any group that is in the trenches together, there is a collective camaraderie that has often led to a borderline frenetic, unedited exchange of stories about what life becomes in your 50s. One thing for sure emerges – we all, men and women alike, feel it.

I’m a writer; Julie is an artist. We want to put all of our experiences into words, and Julie’s images bring those words to life.

Continue reading →

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